Category Archives: Personal Posts

Are Doctors Underestimating the Pain of Endometrial Biopsy?

My doctor right before my endometrial biopsy: “It’s similar to a pap smear. You may feel some cramping and pressure.”

She “forgot” to mention the stabbing pain, the scraping and slashing. She also “forgot” to tell me that there is a high chance I’d get dizzy, nauseous and shaky,  maybe even pass out.

endometrial biopsy

In 2015, I had a “surprise” endometrial biopsy.  Doctor asked me to come in to discuss my pelvic ultrasound results. Next thing I knew, she cut and scraped three samples from my cervix. I wasn’t offered any pain medication or anesthesia. After the biopsy, both the doctor and nurse quickly left the room. I felt incredibly dizzy, nauseous and shaky. My entire body was tingly and hot. I almost passed out. My first thought was something went terribly wrong. Later in the car, I fell apart and cried.

When I first wrote about my experience, I had no idea how many women have to put up with this insanely painful procedure. I have received over a hundred comments from women who describe this procedure as “barbaric” and “traumatizing”. Each time I read a new comment, my heart goes out to each and every lady.

Please take a few minutes to read some of the comments. Here’s what most of them have in common.

  • doctor downplayed the procedure
  •  “some pressure and cramping”
  •  “slight discomfort”
  •  was misinformed
  • wasn’t offered pain medication or anesthesia
  • felt sharp, stabbing pain
  • felt nauseous, dizzy, shaky
  • I passed out
  • I screamed

 

“I just had my biopsy a few hours ago. My dr. said I’d experience “cramping” at first, I thought I could handle it and then the searing pain deep inside was too much. I thought she was done and then she said she needed one more. I started sweating and crying and held my breath. This was one of the most painful procedures I’ve had done. I had to lie down for five minutes afterward to pull myself together. I went to my car and bawled my eyes out:(.”

 

“I had a EMB today and I will say it hurt like hell! I have a curved cervix so putting in the tool to open you was painful to start with. She measured my uterus…that hurt but once she started the procedure I couldnt help but to scream. She asked me if I could handle the procedure and not scream?? Clearly she has never had one. As soon as they start you naturally scream but I tried to keep from doing it by squeezing my own fat on my stomach! That was the only thing I could grab although it wasnt much to hold on to. She did 2 or 3 samples and I couldnt wait for her to be done! Once she was done I covered my face with my hands and was in so much pain all I could do was laugh hysterically then I started shaking then came the tears. I couldnt get up for about 10 min waiting for the pain to stop…it didnt so i got up and got dressed. I will never do this again..if it is needed they need to find a alternative method to get their sample by because I am not a gluten for punishment!!!”

 

This comment is really scary. Ladies, make sure someone can drive you.

“Thank you for this post. On June 18, 2018 I had this procedure done….mild discomfort during the procedure…got up got dressed and was told by my dr when leaving, if I ran a fever to go immediately to the emergency room……5 minutes later while driving home…had a massive vasovagal response and caused a massive motor vehicle collision. Do not mess with this stuff-have someone drive you always.”

 

Why in the world do they not tell us to have someone drive us?

Why are they subjecting us to so much pain? Why can’t they give us local anesthesia?

Why are doctors downplaying the pain?

This is NOT a standard procedure. An endometrial biopsy is NOT a “no big deal” procedure.

The dentist numbs your mouth to fill a cavity. Some even offer a numbing gel for a regular cleaning. I once had a biopsy done on my gums – didn’t feel a thing.

Why is it that  when a tooth is drilled it is numbed but when a piece is taken from the cervix , we have to “suck it up” and endure?

I hate to say it, is it because it’s a “woman thing”? Do they assume we have a higher tolerance for pain than men? Is it because we are women and they expect us “to suck it up”?

For so many women, an endometrial biopsy is pure hell and something needs to be done to improve this situation. There has to be a better way. I have two daughters and I don’t ever want them to experience this distressing and traumatic procedure.

How do we go about this? What can be done? Do we lobby? It’s frustrating that in the year 2018 women still have to endure this.  If anyone has any ideas on how to change this, please let me know.

 

Juris Doctor

    “She believed she could, so she did.”

                                                                     R.S. Grey

Last Saturday, my daughter Melody graduated from law school. She received her juris doctor from Loyola Law School. It was her life-long dream to become a lawyer. At only 23 years old, she’s accomplished her goal.

Melody’s worked very hard. She has survived years of undergraduate study, the competition to get into law school, the rigorous demands of legal academia, learning to think like a lawyer, and seeking the right position.

juris doctor

To say that I’m proud of her is the biggest understatement. Her work ethic and dedication are everything.

juris doctor

From what she told me, law school is no joke. The workload is immense and you’re competing with 200 or more of the hardest-working people you’ve ever met. In addition to working part-time, she had to grind out hours upon hours of book work.

Throughout all the high pressure, heavy workload, and fast-paced environment, she remained positive and upbeat. She survived law school, sanity intact. Thank you, lord.

CONGRATS, MELODY!

Life Lessons From A Single Mom

single mom

As the country looks for clues about what turned Nikolas Cruz into a cold-hearted mass shooter, many “experts” blame his violent behavior on a “broken home”. According to numerous media accounts, the shooter came from a fatherless home.  Apparently, single moms are now the main cause of males becoming mass shooters. The unfair stereotype is still invoked: a single mom presides over a broken home that produces a troubled child.

As a single mom of three, I don’t agree with this popular prejudice. Many single parents do their job of parenting extremely well. My children are a good example. In May, my oldest daughter will graduate law school at just 23 years of age.  Her sister is getting ready to graduate college, summa cum laude. At 14, my son is a straight “A” high school freshman. My kids love life, people, and animals. They are responsible, hard-working, caring human beings. I’m incredibly proud of them.  Not all children raised by a single mother end up as mass shooters or drug dealers.

From my experience, when it comes to creating a healthy family, it’s not the number of parents in a home, but the quality of parenting a child receives that matters most. A home is only “broken” when healthy family dynamics break down: communication stops, love is absent, or destructive behavior sets in, for example.

What is true is that single mothers and fathers must take on additional family responsibility. However, by rising to this enormous challenge,  single parents develop remarkable skills and strengths  worthy of appreciation and recognition.

Here are just a few strengths/skills and ideas I have developed and (hopefully) passed down to my children.

single mom

1. Be resilient and never give up.

Since becoming a single mom, seven years ago, I’ve had to face all the challenges by myself.  As hard as things sometimes get, my kids picked up some significant perks from watching me do so much. They’ve learned how important it is to come up stronger every time they have a new, painful experience. My kids know about the art of taking life’s losses in stride. Learning the skill to recover quickly from difficult situations goes a long way with the ability to adapt and persevere.

2. Be financially savvy.

In my house we don’t waste money or food. Learning how to stretch a dollar – a skill which my kids learned at a young age – seems to come with the single mom territory.  My kids have developed a frugal mindset and have far less money stress than most people their age. These lessons go a long way in forging their path towards financial independence.

3. It’s ok to be alone.

People often ask me whether I date. The answer is “no”. I’m a happy, healthy, and busy woman, who doesn’t need a man to be happy . I tell my girls I may be alone, but I’m not lonely.  Doing things alone can be a wonderful thing. One of the best things my daughter Christy did while interning in New York was explore the city by herself. She was alone and independent… and she was incredibly happy. Meanwhile, my boy has learned to value my and his sisters’ strength and independence.

4. Develop multitasking.

My daughters are two of the best multitaskers I know. From the day I became a single mom, they knew that between work, home, and after school activities, their mom is juggling nonstop. My kids caught this skill automatically and will reap the benefits all through their lives.

5. Enjoy the small things.

When life has more challenges than luxury, everything is much more appreciated. Every little happiness calls for a celebration. I urge my kids to live a full and vibrant life. No point in waiting for things to happen down the road. I encourage them to be passionate, to love deeply and to live every day fully. In our house, memories and special moments triumph possessions. You can’t buy true joy or love.

6. Women are as capable as men.

My kids have seen me do just about anything: from gutting a bathroom to changing car filters, to cutting trees and mowing the lawn, to paying bills, to decorating a birthday cake, to curling my hair and applying make up. etc. This has given them an enlightened view of gender roles.

7. Be independent.

Watching me take care of our family on my own has taught my children to value their education, career and worth in an everlasting way. My kids don’t rely on other people to take care of them. It’s important to be able to be independent and do things on your own.

8. Stay organized.

Single parents manage a lot of responsibility. It takes organization and routines to run a home efficiently. As a result, all my kids thrive in a clutter-free, organized environment.

9. Your siblings are your “forever” friends.

I will not live forever, but I hope that my kids will always have the strongest bond with each other. After all they have been together through awkward, embarrassing, joyous, and miserable times.

10. Raising children alone is the hardest job in the world. 

It is always a privilege to be raised by both parents but sometimes life has something else in store for us.  Sure, our lives would have been different with two parents. But that doesn’t mean they would have been better. My kids learned about sadness and frustration from me. But they also learned about joy, determination, gratitude and love. So much love for all of them.

single mom

What are your thoughts on this controversial topic? Are you a single parent? I’d love to hear your thoughts.