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Four mornings a week, when my daughters were still small, I would drive them to their preschool, where we would walk hand-in-hand into the building and down the hallway into their classroom.
Some days the girls hopped beside me. Some days they skipped. Some days they held my hand tight, hesitant to let go.
I blinked and the girls grew up – Prom, first broken heart, high school graduation and college graduation already behind them.Since my children were in preschool, many things have changed in this world. Kids play different games now, they sing different songs; watch different shows and use gadgets that were nonexistent back then.
So much is different – except feelings.
How a child feels walking into school, and how a mother feels letting her go is still the same today. And how they both feel when the year is over and it’s time to move on. These things never change.What I felt the first day my kids left me is exactly what other mothers feel today when their kids go to school. And how I felt when the year was finished, when it was the last day, the last time I would hold their hand and walk down the hall with them skipping beside me, millions of mothers experience the same.
I cried at every one of their graduations -Tears of pride, happiness and sadness. It was physically painful to hold back my tears.
I searched for a Kleenex, wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I said. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Back then I didn’t know, but now I do.
It was all that I wanted – watch my kids grow. To be there in the audience, smiling, applauding and taking hundreds of pictures. I wanted to witness the transformation between toddler and preschooler, preschooler and kid, kid and adolescent.
But it was all that I didn’t want, too, because for every new child they’ve become, I lost the child they use to be.
The graduation ended. Preschoolers got diplomas and cake.
It’s been okay for me.
I lost the child my daughters were to the teenagers they became, the teenagers to the young adults they are today. But I never lost them.Today my daughters are my best friends and we always have the best time together. We talk, laugh and cry together. We cry over everything – happy moments, confusing moments, proud moments and sad moments.
While some people claim they rarely cry, if ever, we tear up quickly. We even cry during TV shows and movies. We cry whole-heartedly for those we’ve never met and we know don’t really exist.
The last ten minutes of Extreme Makeover – Home Edition make us cry. The last Friends episode – we just can’t. Grey’s Anatomy opens our flood gates. Our couch essentials during tear-jerky moments : the fluffiest throw, comfy pillows, and a box of Kleenex (sometimes two). I keep a box of Kleenex in each room of the house and I always have one in the car. I’ve been known to cry to beautiful songs with meaningful lyrics. Ok, I’m going to be ridiculed for this one… but here goes: Say Yes to the Dress. We get super emotional and cry tears of happiness; especially when my daughters bring up their dream wedding and that they want me to be at their dress fitting. We already know we’ll be a mess when the time comes.
In life we bond most with those we share tears with, and laughter too.
Are you a softie like us? Do you cry during TV shows or movies? I’d love to hear your story.
If you are like us and tend to be on the weepier side of the spectrum, it’s probably a good idea to keep a box of Kleenex handy. 🙂